Midlife crisis

I have never heard an accurate description of the infamous mid-life crisis, but I have seen the results a lot. I have seen men leave their spouses and quickly remarry, only this time someone much younger. I have seen expensive sports cars justified. I have seen "bachelor pads"--always a bit less than tidy--where men live like college guys again. 

I can imagine what motivates each of these "symptoms": we marry younger women in the attempt to find a partner who looks up to us (again), and to see if we can woo girls, frankly. We justify purchasing impractical cars because (at least in many cases) we feel that we have worked a while for success and have passed up many of the toys we dreamed of when we were 19 out of responsibility. We return to a less organized lifestyle in the attempt to live simply (in a masculine fashion?)

I write all of this because I am feeling all out of sorts, lately. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want another wife (though I would enjoy being looked up to), nor does a sports car tempt me (I haven't worked all that hard for any length of time, anyway). I do wish to live more simply, but that has been true for a long time.

No, my crisis is manifesting, right now, as sentimentality about Mia.

She is growing up so quickly, and she is so much more complicated than I thought a six-year-old would be! She finished kindergarten, did I mention that?! 

I know that some of my off feeling comes from Mia's school year finishing, and some comes from the fact that I will turn 38 in a week or so (thirty-freaking-eight! I was certain I'd die before hitting thirty!).  Some also comes from Stacy having surgery later this week, ultimately hoping that she can carry another baby. All of it, together, makes me feel out of control.

If I drive off and end up in Alaska or the desert anytime soon, please understand.:o)

Taking a Break from Facebook...

This is a reprint from my other blog about a fast from Facebook that I am in the beginnings of--I enter it here because it is personal, and this is my personal blog.  I want to write more, soon, about this experiment.

I am weary to the bone. Everywhere I turn where there are other people, it seems a spirit of condescension has taken over where respect (arguably) used to exist. That’s against my religion.

I turn on the TV and find people screaming slogans at one another, without regards to who might be listening. And no one hears. We are desperately longing to be heard, but unwilling to listen, ourselves.

I read it on Facebook, where people with different political perspectives rail against one another as though there were a “correct” attitude to have about being alive in this country in these times, or a simple solution to problems that have plagued humankind since we discovered we were humankind. While there has always been antagonism between political camps, I feel like we have moved from a situation where people were valued despite their ideals, to one where people’s Humanity is devalued based on their ideals.

Even in Sunday school class, where “Love one another” is meant to be the organizing principal, politics creeps in and makes volatile the discussion about helping the poor, the widow and the orphan.

We really do need to strive for civil dialogue–right speech, as the Buddhists say.

Focusing on Facebook:

Despite connecting with people I had lost touch with and enjoying the wit and wisdom of friends that I would otherwise miss, there is not a day that passes that I don’t feel like killing my Facebook account (already, I barely watch television and I avoid talk radio like dental surgery). I want to rise up and operate above the noise and the haste that has hijacked discourse in my life.  I want to remain rational, and not let my fear of what other people believe lead me into irrational rants against this group or that group.

I have been feeling this way for a while, now.  It started when I realized that I was being snarky without cause, and it continues too often. The good of social networking far outweighs the bad (for every snipe or rant there are five baby-in-tux photos that make me smile), but I seem to remember the bad too often. So, I am going to follow the little voice inside of me and do a little experiment. I am going to give my password to a good friend of mine and have him change my password. I am going to ask him not to give my account back to me until August 11 (when Ramadan begins?).

If you are a friend and you want to visit with me during this sabbath, find me on Twitter, comment on my blog, or email me [no spaces: d di cker son 7 2 (at) yahoo (dot) com].  Better yet, call me and let’s meet up for a beer. You can tell me, face-to-face, about the music you love, the vacations you enjoy, the people in your life who move you. And I will talk back and share my life with you.

I hope to run into you in public more often. )

I have wonderful friends. 

In fact, looking back through my life, I have always been blessed to have amazing, unique, beautiful, dynamic people walking around in my life; some of them have been dear, personal friends to me, and others have been just people I know, but all of them have taught me so much truth.

Right now, my closest friends are so much more dynamic than me, and their energy just inspires me. They are passionate about life and God and music, they love their families and want to make a difference in the world.  They dream big dreams about making this community better, and not in some glamorous, self-serving way, but by loving more people in more ways. 

Today, I feel awake to both the possibilities in these kind of big dreams and to the fact that having friends and loved ones like I do is the richest kind of blessing. On paper, my life is pretty boring, but it is thick and rich in practice, and that is because of my family and my neighbors, my daughter and my best friends, all living in this life in their own beautiful ways. And they are all so different, and they all inspire me in unique ways.

I wish there was a sincere way I could tell each of them--friends from right here and right now, and friends from my whole life--how blown away I am by their humor and intelligence and grace. I am tempted to start a list of names and to literally write little thank you notes for time shared and laughter and honesty and fun, but I don't see clearly where to draw the line--When you realize that your whole life is worth living because of a web of people who touched you, who do you leave out?  :o)

That just might be the best possible problem a person could have.