TL:DR--I was required to leave my job where I had wanted to work since I was 19. Then, I worked for a friend's excellent roofing company, which was an adventure. Now, I am working in the corporate office of a grocery company. All of this change has caused a good bit of introspection.
Now for part one of the long version.
For five full academic years, I had taught full time at the community college that I attended when I was young. It was the very job I wanted for all those years, and I was mostly very good at it (at least in my own opinion. I mean, I have areas where I could improve, but I was very good with the best parts of making a college class). I had also taught part time for almost five years prior to our move to Houston. I love the particular college (it has its issues, but they were working to improve it) and I absolutely love teaching students. The mission of the community college is one that hits me right in my heart because many of the students are not confident and need to discover that they CAN, indeed, find success in school.
But, the story--
The point of starting here is to say that I had no plan to leave my job. There were/are some departmental issues, where people get on a "naughty list" and lose their favorite classes or committee assignments, etc., but there are so many people there who work for the good each day. I was just doing my best to do my work and take care of my students.
[to be fair, I did mess up when I launched an online class last fall, and that impacted student experience, and I also had some struggles with Early College World Lit. 1 students who would not read the texts for the class. I am not claiming to be a perfect Professor, but I always return to the fact that I truly love people and want my students to do their work and succeed]
Okay.
One Thursday evening I had a late email that hit my phone while I was unloading the dishwasher. It was from a lady in HR, notifying me that there had been a student complaint, and asking me to come to a meeting with her after my Friday class the following day. I wrote back and confirmed the meeting, and them immediately texted my Department Chairperson, but she literally did not reply to my text for twelve hours. I took that as a sign that, whatever was going on, she already knew and was not planning to engage with me, talk me through it all, or have my back. Honestly, I did not worry, though, as I had done nothing wrong.
The next day, I went to my class and taught well. I had been teaching the Friday morning, 8:35 am ENGL 1302 class since 2018, and it was mostly great. After that class, I went to my office and dropped off my text book, and went over the the Admin building for my meeting. I was upbeat, likely because I was nervous. Had I known what was in store for me, I would have been smart to find a lawyer in advance. I walked into HR and was greeted by a young lady who had to sort of hurry to the front desk. She had simply not been "at her station" there before I walked in. I waited for a moment and was introduced to the HR agent who had requested the meeting, and she was the Title IX Coordinator. She shook my hand and directed me back to another office, saying that the head of HR usually sat in for these meetings--the Head of HR was the former Title IX Coordinator and he also happened to be an attorney (though not employed by the college as an attorney). He greeted me and, rather awkwardly, directed my to a chair. The Title IX Coordinator took another chair, and the meeting progressed.
I know a lot more, today, than I did on May 3, 2024, especially about how people trained in law think and work. For one thing, lawyers use sneaky hypotheticals to trick you into thinking they know more than they know. Another thing: Lawyers will tell you that there is no need to get an attorney for their discussion. I recorded this whole meeting, but I have not been able to get myself to listen to the recording, but maybe that is for the best. Let me tell you this: it was the most brutal 45 minutes of my life! Let me see if I can give you a taste of it.
One of the gentleman's questions was if I used foul language in my classes. I answered him honestly that I did use coarse words at times, but that I tended to use what I would call "level 2 curse words," and not many of the most severe words, and that I never (and I am serious here) used bad language directed at anyone in any way. I tended to try to make my part of the discussions funny, but not crude. The HR Head asked me something like, "So, what if I told you that I have recordings of your class where you say the F-word?" THIS IS ONE OF THOSE HYPOTHETICALS I WAS IGNORANT OF BEFORE! I replied something like, well, I suppose that is possible, though that is not a word I frequently use. He then said something like, "So you were lying to me when you said you did not use 'level-one' curse words in your classes. I see..."
Here's the thing: he was not saying that he HAD a recording of me using bad language in class; he simply needed to see how challenging what I had just said would hit. A friend of mine who is much smarter than me replied when she was questioned about language that she would happily wait while the interviewer summoned some of the coaches about language, since any rule regarding language should apply to all student-facing employees. SO MUCH SMARTER THAN ME!
I KNOW that 98% of my fellow English Profs use adult language when it serves them. We do it for many reasons, the least of which is that we need to keep students' attentive and also signal to them that they are no longer in high school. That being said, the reason I did not use the worst of the language is to respect my more conservative young people.
Anyway, the meeting was not about language. That was all just to get me on my back foot.
The meeting was about a student complaint, and there was an allegation in the complaint.
* * *
I was teaching two ENGL 1302 classes--the Friday morning one, and another on Tuesdays and Thursdays that was also at 8:30. The TTH one was just wonderful--most of the students in the class were so engaged and interested in reading and discussing literature. Sure, some did not attend regularly, but that does happen and there is a lesson even in that choice. There was one girl who had come out as gay, and who had met one of my students from the Friday class, and they were dating in the way that young people sometimes date--walking around campus holding hands, skipping classes together, etc. neither of these students was doing well in their class, but the TTH student had some really insightful things to say in our discussions, and in 1302 the final essay is 40% of the course grade. I also happened to take late work (against policy), so I was not worried about the TTH student.
Anyway, it was she who complained to the Title IX Coordinator about me.
Let me note: she did not complain to my chairperson. She did not complain to my Dean. She went straight to HR, like she knew where it would best received. The allegation was that I had hit her on the bottom with a rolled-up carpet, saying "I'm sorry. I have to obey the voices." This allegedly occurred in the Art Hallway, which was crowded with people attending the Spring Art Auction. This allegedly happened on Wednesday, April 3. I was called in on Friday, April 5. The Eclipse occurred on Monday, April 8th, and I was asked to resign on Tuesday, April 9th.
Here's the thing: I really was there, and I did have a wall hanging rolled up under my arm that I was donating to the auction. I did see Art Professors there, and I did show them the hanging, but I did not hit anyone on the bottom. I did not even see those girls that day, though I think they were in the hall for a class at the time they allege I misbehaved. Had I actually done what they reported, surely one of the others in that hallway would have seen such crazy misbehavior. I mean, as silly as I sometimes get (verbally, inside my own classes), I would not lose my mind enough to do something like that! Were I to utterly change who I am, and decide to pursue a female student--and let me say that 19-year-olds look like babies to me, honestly--surely I would set my sights on a heterosexual female. Let me repeat: I did NOT hit any student, nor ever approach a student in an aggressive or sexual manner.
I do not know why these students (I include the second student because I was told that "She (the complainant) had a witness," to which I replied, "If the witness was her girlfriend, does that really count?") filed the complaint, as they went on to drop their classes and getting me in trouble did nothing for them, at least that I can see. Left alone, I would have accepted late work, graded their final essays, and they would have likely left the classes with decent grades.
I was summoned back to HR the following Tuesday; I naively thought that I might be given an apology, as the HR Manager had been doing an investigation and was planning to pull video footage from the Art Hall. Instead, I was given a resignation to sign with the promise that, if I would sign, the incident would not go on my record, and with the promise that I would continue to receive my salary through the semester as long as I signed. The other option was to fight the allegation with a public hearing.
In that moment, I chose to sign and move on--did I really want to work somewhere that would treat a trusted employee in such a manner? I mean, no one from English came to my defense, or counseled me in any way. My Department Chair literally avoided me until it was all finished. My Dean's advice was basically that I should not have forgotten who my students were and cursed in class. I had to pack up my things and leave, all done by myself and in the rain. I was wrecked.
Today, I wish I had fought it all with a lawyer. Leaving has made me look guilty and has left me trying to do work that is just not teaching. Colleagues have told me that the rumor they heard was that I *raped* a student in the Art Hallway. Other former colleagues just put their heads down and continued their work. Had I fought, maybe my school would be a better place for Professors--although I truly believe there needs to be protection in place for students to prevent predators from using their positions to coerce students into sex, etc., what I went through was brutal and heartbreaking, and separated me from my career and from a place I thought was home. How could someone as benign as me have to deal with this kind of thing, all without any support whatsoever?
* * *
Through all that has come since this fiasco, I have set out with the idea that I do not have to get my identity from my work. The HR Manager who treated me roughly in that first HR meeting encouraged me to NOT get an attorney because the hearing would be PUBLIC, and he knew "I had a wife and daughters to protect." But my wife and my daughters were the first people I told, and they each loved me and supported me in deeply-meaningful ways. A friend happened to come up to me in the middle of all of that and offered me a job with his roofing company, which I took and made an effort at for a few months. Another lady came up to me at a birthday party and sang a song to me in which she called me "David, the Shepherd boy," reminding me that my purpose might be something larger than just teaching English (she is a little eccentric, but the reminder is a good one).
I keep stumbling into affirmations, so while it feels like I am off some path that I still mourn stepping away from, I know there is still treasure to be found out here. I don't know what I am "supposed" to be doing, now--everything feels like I am a Community-College Professor in disguise--but I want to find ways to open my own eyes to where I am, now, and to find the beauty that was always out here. The injustice of it all stings all of the time, even these months later, but perhaps someday I will be grateful to that student. Maybe I will find who I am supposed to help out here.
So, I am not a Professor, but I am still a husband and a father, a brother and a son, and a friend sometimes. Don't forget that you are also a myriad of things, especially when one of those central roles fails you.
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