Stuck in Traffic (From October 2012)

It's hard for me to write this post because I want to make certain that I am writing from love, but because what motivates me is indignation, I know I might easily come off as either whiny and weak or partisan. If either of those conditions are what you get from this post, I will have failed.

I have been home with baby Anna for a couple of months, now, which has given me great time to really get to know her. This downtime has also given me very little time with other adults, so I have depended upon group chats with some of my crazy friends in Tyler, Facetime with my friends, parents, and sister, and--sadly--upon Facebook for everyday interactions. 

Now, full disclosure: I am a progressive (a.k.a. "Liberal Scum"). I was raised by generous, loving Conservative Republicans--my dad owns a struggling small business, and taxes have always been a burden for him--but from a pretty early age, I felt that some people were paying attention to money while others were paying attention to people. Please understand that, though I tend to see the world better from the standpoint of one who focuses on the needs of people, I know this is probably because I was raised with no financial needs--free from money worries, I have been free to focus on people more. There is a good chance that things only work if some people are people-centered while others are money-centered; it likely requires both in the big picture. 

That being said, I am usually okay with the fact that about 50% of people tend to disagree with me, politically (really more than that because I live in East Texas, but I am writing from that big picture I mentioned earlier), and I don't even get bent out of shape about people voicing their points-of-view--I loved the "I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" quote from my 6th grade Social Studies teacher's bulletin board. However, much of what I see on Facebook these days goes beyond rational people who happen to view the world differently that I do right into the realm of fear-mongering militants spewing hatred. When I run across these sorts of posts, I usually comment, calmly, just to push back a bit, but there are some posts that bring out the worst in me.

Take this gem:

In a way, this is a pretty funny little jab at Obama. At least it is creative. But it is also pretty offensive to people like me, and it was created and posted just to piss us off. It is inaccurate, racist, and religiously hypocritical (Christianity actually calls us to love people who are not "us," like Samaritans, but instead we use our religion of love as a weapon against Muslims), and it picks on Obama in an underhanded way (he is not a Muslim, not that there's anything wrong with it if he were!)

It seems to me that crap like that is not honest--I would be fine with a friend posting her honest fears about a candidate, but the above is actually a statement not meant to open respectful dialogue.

But there is much worse out there! There are people who wish to exploit the honest religious faith of so many Americans by using the schemes and tropes of Christianity, but plugging President Obama into the Apocalyptic framework (that so many of us have suck a small understanding of, already):

This one pisses me off in 3D! It is exploitative and underhanded and it is a lot of what is wrong with Christianity as it is expressed these days.

* * *

What baffles me is that I don't get what so many people have against Obama. I mean, he hasn't been terribly liberal or anything near the "Socialism" that so many people lament. He has been pro-Wall Street during a time when many Americans (and anyone truly Liberal) would have hyper-regulated, since shady, under-regulated practices resulted in a huge recession; he has not declared "war on Christianity," though just listening to pundits would make you think that America, today, doesn't look a thing like America under President Bush. Maybe I am thick, but I see the same country with mostly the same policies and practices as six years back. About all that Obama has accomplished is restoring the US's credit abroad, in both Islamic and non-Islamic countries, and the infamous "Obamacare," which stopped way short of anything truly liberal, and which has not yet take effect--he gave insurance companies tons of time to find sneaky back doors before the better parts take effect. In fact, what is now the Affordable Care Act was originally a Republican plan.... From my vantage, Obama's lack of real Progressive revolution comes closer to having me vote elsewhere than anything that he has done.

Honestly, I don't see whatever it is that makes our President any worse than President Bush was! I mean, think of all of the things we did as a country under Bush that are simply not "American": Warrantless wiretapping. Torture of prisoners. Unilateral attacks on other countries. Unabashed war profiteering. Posturing and attitudes that ostracized the world community. Perhaps it is because of Bush's Koala-bear face, but somehow none of the above seemed to outrage my Facebook community nearly as much as Obama has just by being in office. 

Here's the thing: I might understand people's beef with the President better if they would communicate it! Instead, I get to see ridiculous posts about how Obama has raised fuel prices, even though Presidents can do very little to help gas prices. Or I get veiled references to his race, or to some war against Christianity, though everyone I know gets to worship how they want, when they want, etc. The only credible complaint I have seen is a huge ball of fear because Obama said he, personally, supports Homosexual Marriage, but how that affects my conservative friends I still do not comprehend--if you are against gay marriage, don't get gay married! 

* * *

All of that middle stuff was just positioning myself where you would know my bias, and expressing my befuddlement with the environment of fear I have found, especially on FB. This post is really about communication and love and respect.

It is not the misinformation, itself, that makes me consider deleting my Facebook account about three times each week, nor the fact that people who I care for and respect have opposing views to my own. What puts me in despair is the manner in which people--many of whom I regard very highly in the real world--communicate their views. I know people who say inflammatory things all of the time just to get a response, who then respond to any response they get with comments like, "Isn't it just like a stupid Liberal to get his panties in a wad about something I said! I am an AMERICAN with the FREEDOM TO SPEAK WHATEVER I WANT! You Socialists are always wanting to limit speech!"

So, my acquaintance baits people he disagrees with, and then revels in their replies so he can slap at them again! And he does this sort of thing for fun, all the time! I know quite a few muckrakers who enjoy Facebook "debates," but there is something manipulative about that guy's ways that do nothing to further the exchange of ideas. Does he have the right to post whatever he wants? Hell, yes he does! but does his way communicate friendship or respect for the people he opposes? No. 

As goes Facebook, so goes the world. Facebook merely mirrors the polarized state of our country. Gone is common courtesy, working together for a common goal, and persuading others that your position is correct (persuasion keeps its audience in mind and seeks to appeal to an audience using logic and emotions while maintaining credibility. It can be subtle). What is left is two sides speaking over one another. 

On a podcast I listen to, I heard Social Media compared to heavy traffic. In traffic, people in their own cars forget that they are part of the traffic, that they are in public, and this forgetful state of mind leads to road rage, nose picking in full view of others, and assorted other phenomena. I guess we see a sea of machines all around us and feel dehumanized, and then begin to dehumanize the others we are in context with. But this kind of behavior is based on a misconception that we are in private! As soon as we are in a context that is face-to-face, we become more civilized (few of us would curse out a person in line in front of us at the DMV, but in the traffic to get there, we are likely to say or do anything when frustrated). Facebook is just like that. Trapped in our own minds, responding to disembodied posts, we are liable to say or post anything; In person with someone we are acquainted with, we may still disagree, but most would certainly not become abusive based on the disagreement. It is called decorum, and though most of us exercise it in person, it can be hard to find online.

I do not hide my politics on Facebook and I do not apologize for them anywhere. I feel like I am liberal from a genuine place inside of me. I try to love others without regard to their race or financial position, sexual orientation or politics, and I am friends with many people who I disagree with in important ways. I sometimes WISH that I could change and see the world as the majority of my family and friends see it all, but I am authentic in my folly, so I think that I must be who I am supposed to be. My personal faith ties in with my politics--I truly believe that we are supposed to care for others' needs above our own profit and security, that all people of all creeds and nationalities are children of the same God and are deeply loved by him, and that the riches I have been blessed with are NOT my own, regardless of how hard I work--they come from God and it is wrong to resent sharing with others (even if their culture is different from mine, their employment status is different than mine, or their skin color is different than mine). 

My job is to share my blessings and gifts with the world and people who cheat the systems that are in place (be they Welfare queens or Corporate Lawyers who get Hummers to drive using large tax credits intended to help farmers get new equipment) have their own karma and have to face the Source with their own sins--Like my blessings, I have plenty of sins my own.

So, though I will likely never come to the exact same political position as you, kind reader, I promise you that I will speak on Facebook with respect for you, especially while I am disagreeing with your status update. And I will continue to turn all of my available cheeks rather than responding to you without love. I will not forget that it is good that your position and point of view is not identical to mine, for who knows what the ultimate plan is, and I will continue to hope that, together, we can create a world of respect despite differences, beginning right now, even on Facebook.

Here's an interesting story about bad movers in Houston, TX

I found this story HERE: http://cartermovinghouston.blogspot.com/

First off, let me admit that I feel terribly foolish for taking to the internet about this incident. The whole story makes me feel weak and ashamed for not being more defensive and clever. But, when I think that telling this story might make a difference for some other schmuck out there, I know that writing it all down is good.

Next, yes, I have filed a police report and consulted an attorney. HPD told me that this sort of scam is really common and that, though they wish there was an immediate way to address the problem, in their experience, pursuing crooked movers is fruitless. My lawyer advised that pursuing Gary Carter would cost me more than the items lost.

Here's the basic story:

We made the mistake of hiring Carter Moving and Delivery to help us load our U-Haul just before Christmas. We were leaving Houston to attend to my father's death and simply needed muscle. We were in no place, mentally or emotionally, to deeply consider that the movers we hired would take good care of us; after all, we hired them through U-Haul, just as we had done when moving to Houston 18 months before.

Our second mistake? Writing contents on the outside of our moving boxes. Since our experience, people have smiled and shaken their heads at us for actually writing things like "Jewelry," and "Random Electronics" on the outside of boxes. We have been advised that the smart thing to do it to move valuables in our cars ourselves, and/or to have things we value sent to "Master Bath," or some pre-agreed-upon room, with no details on the boxes. If you are preparing to move, please take this advice.

But we did what we did.We packed for several days prior to the three movers arriving; They loaded our truck over a three-hour period, we locked the U-Haul and left early the next morning. Problem 1: We were overcharged by two hours. The owner promised to refund the additional $200, but never bothered, despite my regular calls. Problem 2: After we arrived at our new place, we took our time unpacking non-essentials, thinking that certain things LIKE JEWELRY and ELECTRONICS simply were still packed. They would turn up. 

Three weeks after our move, we finally figured out that our valuables had been taken to the MOVERS' truck instead of ours! 

Do I know this is what happened? Did I see the movers place our things in their truck? No, had I seen them do so, I would have confronted them. I did notice, when I went to get their pizza, that they had placed a large stick in the auto-locking gate to the parking lot where they were parked to prevent the gate closing. I dismissed that with the thought that they might need to go back to their truck sometime and didn't want to be locked out. It was only afterward that I realized that they needed to return to their truck without being locked out (as in during my move).

I had already called Mr. Carter, the owner of Carter Moving and Delivery, about the hours we were overcharged, so I called him back and made my accusation. He listened, and played it off as though he was kind and would take care of everything, but did nothing to make amends (not even the promised refund). He actually excused his company from moral liability by claiming that the movers he sent to help me no longer work for him--thanks for that. Way to stand behind the service you sell with your family name. 

HPD say that this happens ALL OF THE TIME! people who are moving are tired and stressed and are easy marks for unscrupulous movers. My only recourse is to make sure other unsuspecting people hear my story. If I am wrong and our valuables evaporated from the locked moving truck, at least this story may make someone else more cautious than I was.

Advice

1. Do not list contents on the outside of your moving boxes, even though the boxes may have a place to do so. Write only the destination room on each box. 

2. When the movers arrive, get their full names and photographs--better yet, ask to see/photograph their IDs! If none of them will share their IDs for you to photo, dismiss them. Call the company and ask for a replacement crew. I know this can be tricky--like me, you may have time constraints. Know that there are other moving companies in Houston, and one of them will jump on the chance to help you. Or, one better, make it clear from the point of first contact that you will require whomever comes to handle your personal effects to provide ID. It sounds like a hard-assed move, but it communicates that you are on your guard, and those IDs could prove useful when you have to file a police report, later.

3. Don't let my story scare you away from using movers! Just be smarter than I was. I had just lost my father, had been packing and finishing work that I loved, I have two high-energy kids (who were on site) and was focused on making the move, not on policing the men hired to help me. It was a perfect scenario to be taken advantage of (to the tune of $5000, retail).

4. Get recommendations for companies you use from people you trust. This one is simple, and a rule-of-thumb in all circumstances. Need a plumber? Ask who people who have been around who they trust. If you instead call the big-name Roto-Rooters, you will pay more. Same goes for movers--do your homework and find a company that is insured and that is reputable. Carter Moving's listed address is bogus, and they obviously do not care about their reputation, so using them left me with no recourse when things went bad. 

See: RED FLAG WARNINGS ABOUT MOVING 
How to PREVENT the THEFT of Valuable Items During a Move

Poem of Welcome, by Pádraig Ó Tuama